Here’s a video that begins to explain some: http://welcometothe-blackparade.tumblr.com/post/8548042069

I had been going through a lot of self hate, self depression, and thinking suicidal. I had already made up in my mind that I was going to kill myself. Now aside to that, I had already been listening to MCR for a very long time, but when I finally started to relate to all of the lyrics, that’s when I started realizing how well they know me, without knowing me personally. I started listened to them more and more and became obsessed, dedicated more like it. They changed my life. The way Gerard sings, and the lyrics he writes are so exact to my life. I don’t care if they change drastically, actually I quite enjoy seeing them change, and become better men. I think we all deserve to treat each other with the same respect. They’ve changed my life more than any other thing on this earth. Their music inspires me every day.

__________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

I was at a point in my life where I hated myself so much to the extent that I would lock myself in my room and cry for hours and hours and refuse to come out. I would start skipping meals, I would start picking up the razor more and more, I would look online on easy ways to kill yourself. I started to feel alone, like no one cared, as if I was worthless piece of shit. I was fat, I had glasses, I had greasy hair, I had braces, gosh I had everything. I’m a complete nerd on top of that, and being heavily into comics, and heavily into Star Wars, and Star Trek sure doesn’t boost any popularity. I didn’t really know about makeup, because I was still in elementary, so my face was full of zits and open pores. I’d get made fun of so badly I just.. I just couldn’t keep going on like this. I went home one day and pulled out a notebook, and a pen and started writing my suicide letter.  Now, I was already into their music, and I had them playing on my CD player, I heard the words, ‘Do you remember that day when we met, you told me this gets harder? Well it did, been holding on forever, promise me that when I’m gone you’ll kill my enemies, the damage you’ve inflicted, temporary wounds. I’m coming back from the dead and I’ll take you home with me, I’m taking back the life you stole’ and then I kept listening, and ‘This hole you put me in wasn’t deep enough and I’m climbing out right now, you’re running out of places to hide from me. When you go just know that I will remember you if living was the hardest part, we’ll then one day be together and in the end we’ll fall apart. Just like the leaves change in colors and then I will be with you. I will be there one last time now.’ Those lyrics right there got me. I set down my note that I had finished and looked down at it and began to cry. I couldn’t do it anymore. Gerard singing that ringed a bell in my head. I felt that depression, and all of the rude comments, and all of the remarks, and the bullshit I was getting would always stay with me. We’d fall apart, when I’m better, but it’ll come back to me, but at least next time I’ll know how to handle it. Well, the next time I did handle it, a lot better.

__________________________________________________

Just this May I was in a relationship with this boy that had been going on for 10 months. I was in complete love with him. He was my world, and everything revolved around him. He was perfect, and we were perfect together, or so it was when we first started dating.. soon it started to get back, and shit. And for some reason he started making me more and more depressed. I would tell him about my depression, and I would tell him about how I wanted to cut again so badly, and how I wanted to end it right then and there (my life) and he would always help me. He felt like shit because he thought he wasn’t good enough. This boy was my best friend, and we ended up falling in love with eachother, so he just didn’t want things to end badly. In May, I went to Joplin MO for a soccer tournament. I started noticing that things were changing between us. He started texting VERY differently, but he would still say, “I love you baby:)”. So the day of the last tournament, I was pissed off. I was SO fucking mad. We lost our game. My parents were bitching at me the whole ride home, and Zack wasn’t paying attention to me. I was telling him about how sad I was and then when we finally got home after like a 5 hour drive, I went in my room, slammed the door shut, and pulled out my laptop and began writing a suicide letter. I texted Zack, “I’m done. I’m done with my life and I never wanna live again” I did it because I was just so fucking fed up with my life. I turned on my MCR before I did anything, to think about if this is what I truly wanted. I decided to delete my suicide letter, and I picked up my phone and started to text Zack “Wow, I’m… nevermind I’m okay now.” but before I could send I received a text from him saying “Courtney. We’re through. We need a break. You are always so depressed, and if I can’t help you, then I must be a henderence to you. I’m sorry, we can still be friends” Yeah he fucking texted me that we needed a break. INSTANTLY I went into shock, and denial. I told him “Hahah what are you talking about!? we’re still together! don’t joke with me baby(:” I literally started going nuts. I looked at my phone and even smiled, thinking he’s so silly to be joking with me, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t at all. After finding out that he was telling the truth, I completely went nuts. I did not stop crying for days. I skipped school, didnt eat for two weeks, and started doing self harm again. I stopped listening to music during that time because I just didn’t want  anything to do with anything. Later on he told me, “I don’t love you” even though a week before he told me taht even if we broke up that he’d still love me, and he told me that me saying i was going to kill myself pushed him over the edge. I tried killing myself soon after this whole incident happened and that would be my forth time trying. Luckily I soon became over this though. I started turning back on my music, and of course the song “I don’t love you” has gotten me through that. I stopped my self harm and vowed NEVER , to ever hurt myself again. And I have MCR to thank. (i’m sad to say i have relapsed but i’m getting better with each day that comes. i’m strong.)

______________________________________________________

This band’s music was there to help me. The message they send out changed the way I feel about myself. I know I’m not alone, I am cared for, I am worth something, and that’s because that’s the message they send to me. They help me realize each and every day that life is worth living and I will make it through anything I’m going through. They let me know that I’m not alone, and that I’m not the only one going through what I’m going through, and that if you’re messed up, then hell, it’s perfectly fine. It’s honest to say that they saved my life, and continue to save my life everday. The music helped me get over my depression and helped me get over my self harm issues. Because of this band I have found some pretty amazing friends in my life. They’ve helped me make a lot of new perspectives as well.

__________________________________________________

I can relate to each album and that makes them even more special. Bullets, the album I listened to over and over when I was younger, and whenever my ex broke up with me, or whenever I was having trouble with boys. Revenge, the album that shows me that it’s okay to get angry, and to show people you’re angry. It proves that life is hard, but you’ll be able to overcome it, and not to always hide in the shadows. The Black Parade, the album that is so quorky and so odd that I love it to death. It keeps me happy whenever I’m sad about something small, or something huge. Whenever my friends would yell, or make fun of me, I would always listen to TBP and it would help so much. Danger Days, the album that shows me happiness is a reality, that everyone can be happy and that everyone deserves it.  And that you can find true love, and true happiness in life, sometimes you just have to let it come to you. Don’t go searching for something, try to keep a low keep when it comes to love, and you never know, you might snatch up the perfect mate. Also, to keep true to yourself. Show your true colors.

__________________________________________________

But it’s not just the music that saved me. It’s the countless hours I would spend watching videos, and interviews, and watching LOTMS, and collecting posters, and shirts, and try their symbols and spend countless hours on it. It’s also the four amazing men that make up the band. Gerard, Mikey, Frank, and Ray. My heroes.

__________________________________________________

Gerard, thank you for being so strong. Thank you for showing me that no matter what bullshit you go through you can come out stronger than ever before. Thank you for being living proof that even in the darkest of times there is some hope to make it out alive. Thank you for being there for me when no one else was. Thank you for showing me that it’s okay to be weird. Thank you for showing me that it’s okay to be into comics, and D&D, and drawing, and dark things. Thank you for showing me that I don’t have to look perfect for people to love me. Thank you for letting people know it’s okay to write all over yourself. Thank you for showing me that every relationship won’t work out, but in the end, you’ll find the one of your dreams. Thank you for being the kind of human being that I look up to, and worship. You’re my idol, my insperation, my everything. I love you so much, and you will always be in my heart no matter where you go. You have such an amazing soul. You have the compassion that I want.

__________________________________________________

Ray, thank you for being the kindest person I have to look up to. You take care of your friends so much and you are so talented. The music you make is amazing and you have a heart of gold. Thank you for making me want to be a better person, to be kinder and loyal. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world. Thank you for being a HUGE insperation. Thank you for being the dad of the group of boys. Thank you for being a father figure to me, and to every kid and soul out there. Thank you for all of the hints and guidance you’ve given over these ten years. Hurry up and have kids. I love you Ray, and you’ll always be a father figure to me.

__________________________________________________

Mikey, thank you for showing me things get better. When you were dealing with depression your family and friends helped you and you got better, you were strong. Thank you for showing me that with family and friends by your side anything is possible. Thank you for being a total badass on the bass and showing everyone the talent you have. Thank you for being so faithful to your wife, and always being there for her. Thank you so much for all the laughs you’ve given me and all of the beautiful moments you shared. You’ll be an amazing father, so go make some babies. You’re so precious and I love every inch of you mikeyway. 

__________________________________________________

Frank, thank you for showing me what true dedication is. You put everything into your performances and you care about the music so much. You showed me what it was like to love something so much that you wouldn’t let anything stop you from doing it. Thank you. Thank you for being the silly boy that loves the animals. Thank you for showing me that it’s okay to be a vegetarian and not be ‘cool’. Thank you for showing me that giggling like a little school girl is adorable, or showing off all your teeth in a cheesy smile. Thank you for showing me how loyal and faithful you are. Thank you for showing me that family and friends come first, and you’ll always be there to protect them. Thank you for being a guide, and letting me know it’s okay to be a dog freak. You’re such an amazing human being and you make me so proud.

__________________________________________________

Thank you Bob, for being there. You’re not with them anymore, and of course, it had to be for a good reason. I miss you very much but I’m sure you’re doing great on your own. You’ve contributed to so much of my MCR expierence and I’ll never forget that. You were always that cool guy in the shadows, and I always loved that quality about you. Your love for animals absolutely melts my heart and you’re just a huge inspiration for me. You’re so kind and so loving. Everyone misses you. 

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

Gerard, Ray, Mikey, Frank, and Bob are all my heroes, each in a different way, and thanks to the message they send through their music my life was saved. So no matter what their new style becomes, if they look like they did during the Revenge era or how they look now, no matter what the songs are called or how heavy or not they sound, these men will always be my heroes. Their music changed my life, and I will never forget that. You boys mean the WORLD to me/ I love you guys to death. Thank you for the memories, thank you for saving my life, thank you for every single thing.

I hope you keep doing this for the next 10 years, and even if you don’t I’ll remember the impact you had on me forever. Thank you My Chemical Romance for everything. 

__________________________________________________

One more thing about Gerard:

__________________________________________________

Gerard Way is my insperation, my hero, my idol. Everything that he is makes me who I am today. He is everything that I want to be and more. He has overcome so much and is still the most amazing person alive. I could honestly go on, and on about him.  That man…the greasy hair, the tiny teeth, the super-evolved pinky, the coffee obsession, the amazing art, the exceptional music, the sassy personality, the geekiness, the anguish he’s lived through, the awe-inspiring, life saving words of wisdom, the kind heart, the dedication to everything he loves, the mind-blowing performance on stage, the pure honesty in everything he says even if people don’t like it, the passion he has for his fans… I can’t even explain how fantastic this man is.  He is unbelievably beautiful in every way. I am so proud to say that he is my everything. I love you so fucking much Gerard.